Marriage is no fairy tale, but I’m sure God designed it to be this kind of hell. After suffering in silence like this all we do now is live a fake version of ourselves in showcase.”
There is a popular saying that says ‘pictures tell a thousand words’ but how many of us have ever thought that it also tells a thousand lies. Pictures flood social media timelines and other spaces with happy smiling couples garnering a whole ton load of likes and I can’t help but wonder if it actually feels the way it looks.
My husband and I are deemed as public figures and the pressure is constantly on to be ‘happy people’. But talking to a friend of mine, a spouse whose failed marriage floored me, it had me thinking how much time is spent on building our relationships versus social profiles. A marriage of five years was gone, and I could never have seen it coming with all the lovely photos that displayed happy smiles. The pretense has been real. My friend shared some things with me that I consider food for thought.
Develop the good habits
Single habits are hard to break, but once you are married there are some habits you have to break yourself into.
Smile and laugh together not only when posing for a camera.
Develop the habit of shooting compliments not only in the earshot or sight of others.
Public display of affection is not only for photo shoots. Physical touch actually builds a stronger bond between you and your spouse. Touch doesn’t need to be sexual to draw us closer to our partner.
Reconnect with each other for at least ten minutes a day.
Do it either before you get out of bed in the morning, before you go to sleep at night or any other time during the day that you can sneak off and have ten minutes of uninterrupted conversation.
TALK…
You’d be surprised the things your partner is going through and just want to unload. Power down all of your electronics, (Phones are killing relationships… I can testify). Make eye contact and just talk. It doesn’t need to be serious — just talk about your day and what your plans are for tomorrow. Have lighthearted chit-chat. It will help stop you from drifting apart from one another, and it will help bring the spark back.
Get to know each other on a deeper level.
The habit of spending quality time does that. The lack of which kills many relationships without the partners even knowing it. Getting past the wedding day and even an anniversary or two isn’t it. Partners have to learn to get to know each other on a deeper level. That takes commitment and time.
I pray my behind doors experiences in marriage are as beautiful as the pictures displayed.
You learn as you grow.
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