“His sex, my sexy His lust, my appeal Room dark but not empty Laid arched, his pleasure to feel
His power, my strength His passion, my pain My with, his length There’s so much more to gain
… His rhythm, my flow His want, my yearn This is not over, I know There’s so much more to learn”
(Excerpt from the poem “His.. My” By Rushel Smith (c) 2010)
We can't live with them, but cant live without them. Yup, there’s a constant battle of the sexes, and as the war rages on we attract… yes! Opposites attract (any other way and it defies the law of nature and how things are designed). Men and women are different (obviously!). Many times we don’t get it right, especially relational, because we women forget that men aren’t like us and don’t relate like us and for the men, vice versa. I’ve been to a few conferences, read a few books, listened to a few programs and collated my own little conclusions to the matter (of course you are free to agree or disagree with me). So here goes. Let's see the motions.
1. Men and women speak different languages – We approach things differently. Women talk in circles (yes we do, admit it). We express using explanations and so we may be complaining about something trivial but there is really a deeper issue that needs fixing. We are emotional beings so we talk in feelings. Men on the other hand talk in straight lines. They deal with facts. Men are usually straight forward, to the point and deals with things as they come.
2. Processing – Men process internally, the more something bothers a man the less they say about it. When a man is really upset, or worried, or frustrated there is silence. Women process externally and this is where our emotions go to work. So we talk, cuss, cry (maybe blog like me lol) and so on.
3. Space – Some men won't agree with me, men like their space BUT most men don’t do alone well. Hence, there’s the need for partnership and men who don’t get it right have many partners. As tough and macho as men portray themselves to be, they crave companionship at a deeper level than women. Women do a little better at being alone because we adapt easily. Its easy for a woman to say “I got my kids, or job, or siblings, so I don’t need a man” and mean it because we can stand it.
So in essence…
We ought to be sensitive to each other. Men, take some time and listen to the women in your lives sometimes that’s all we want. Women, observe the signs your man gives.. Sex is no guarantee a man is happy. He processes things differently, so create an environment where he is comfortable to talk with you. Men, practice to talk about your feelings, it will work for you. Space is always good but too much space, not so much. everything in moderation. Don’t be too close that a man/woman don’t have room to be themselves. However, don’t give another man/woman access to do what you should be doing, that’s how relationship grow apart, get cold and die. Spend quality time together.
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